At a point of time you feel lost. There are no words to describe it in detail. You are just lost in the abyss. You feel empty hollow from within. You have no clue how you have got to this stage from being a care-free person to being lost.
Lost. . . Am I? Where am I? What am I doing? What do I seek? The tormenting unending reel of questions comes your way.
It all comes down to one thing who am I? This question arises in everybody’s mind at some time or other. I do know there is no specific answer to that as it keeps on changing from time to time. When this question arises I think some way we need to find ourselves, reinvent, and alter something about our present self. Still you feel you have no idea how to find that. The effort itself makes it more painful.
You feel so vague, you doubt every second of your past and present as to what is true. You don’t know what you want? What are you? Your happy self seems like some kind of imagination coming back to you in bits and pieces. These bits and pieces are like oxygen sachets coming your way once in a while. They slide past at a blink of an eye. In no time you are back to void. I feel everything in your life, comes hits you when you are at your lowest. Everything which you feel you have buried and is not to revive, will come back to haunt. Everything becomes a trigger in such a way that you feel numb. You only feel so lost when something so vital to your belief becomes false.
I guess you just have to keep breathing. Do what you can. Ask for help. This is a pause in your life. This pause feels like a torture, endless thoughts one moment and sometimes no thoughts at all. It feels like you are in a train looking out through the window. The image outside window seems to be moving past you going on just like world around. It keeps moving. You just have to pause and wait for train to arrive at your destination. Meanwhile introspect and let thoughts pass by. Through my past way of healing I learnt one thing, trying to suppress and forget things happened or thoughts won’t help. You need to introspect however painful it maybe and find a way to come to terms with them. So that they won’t revert back as you have made peace with them.
Remember this is normal. This is just like any illness. It is not a weakness. You are hurt. Admit it. Do not suppress any emotion. Let it all out.
For now follow a routine, do things which interests you. You won’t know where to start. Just start with anything that comes to your mind. Knowing only comes from experiencing. Keep trying!
Take one step at a time. Do not rush.
Take your time.
Just Breathe.
